SHOULD A WOMAN BE A BREADWINNER?

Copied post from FAMILY SYSTEMS ENGINEERING

Rethinking Breadwinner – A better approach

Unknown to many breadwinner has not always been the original concept contrary to what many have taught over the years. It was a circumstantial paradigm that was developed to promote family life but that was based on the assumption that the woman is best suited to handle the kids while the man is best suited to bring in money. While that may not be totally bad it fails to promote the individual potentials because we have seen cases where the man is actually the best person to raise the children while the wife is best with money making because of her make up as a serial entrepreneur.

I believe we have lost a generation of women to home making whose strongest traits of invention or business development was sacrificed and we have put unnecessary burden on men whose best expression may actually have been in raising children and working from home.

The problem of the breadwinner approach is that it assumes that every family practice the same system of governance where the man is stronger, more intelligent and more hard working. But haven’t you seen men marry more intelligent women? Or how do you explain the fact that some men now have their wives as the head of a conglomerate?

Family systems engineering offers a better approach to the breadwinner syndrome because while it may not be totally bad it has created a form of competition where people struggle to win the bread and tear their love apart because the one who holds the bread controls the mood of the family so a woman who feels her interest was not protected by the man when he was in charge of the bread grows to retaliate when the script is flipped and she now controls the bread. In some cases even when she is still submissive the man feels disrespected when in actual fact it is his insecurity that is troubling him.

I think a lot of generalizations have been taught over the years that we may need to rethink and question all over again.
What is the Family Systems Engineering recommendation?

1. Family as a nation of dream teams – We believe if we flip the script and change promote couples as teams as against individuals we will come together and create a family vision, values and systems that promote the best interest of all and where everyone work together to create a nation that is desirable for everyone’s potentials to find expression.

This paradigm states eliminates star players instead it promotes the team and that is why we often say that ‘Star players don’t win or lose matches; teams do’. What this does is that it makes us see whatever we do for or against ourselves as to the team and not my spouse. So for example if I fail to clean our space because I feel it is a woman’s responsible our team is perceived as dirty and not my wife.

2. Income as internally generated revenue that boosts our family economy – The bread winner syndrome promotes the concept of resource control which means the one who generates the resources must control it even when he/she doesn’t have the capacity to multiply the income and create a future where the passive income from the nation’s assets can take care of her living expenses.

We believe whatever a couple makes must be perceived as our collective internally generated revenue. That way everyone develops a sense of belonging and responsibility knowing fully well that we are all contributing something to the development of our family.

This concept goes further to say that the family must have an economic plan that seeks to be financially free within a stipulated number of years(financial freedom is that state where what you earn passively can take care of your living expenses).

The question we often ask at the moment is ‘Can your family economy survive a recession’? When we all deploy our God given abilities to add value to the family economy we will create a better future faster and have the health to enjoy the wealth as against looking for how to pay our bills at age 60 still looking for another job.

However we say that the best person in the team with money management must be our minister in charge of the economy and there must be full disclosure of whatever is earned and every disbursement must be budget based. Here it would no longer matter who brings in the highest amount and that person may not be in charge of the management of funds because whatever comes in is now the internally generated revenue of the economy even though we will make a budget based robust provision to take care of the workforce of our family economy.

3. Celebrate your uniqueness – The family systems engineering approach believes that you must first decipher the uniqueness of your family and celebrate it as against box yourself into the corner of generalizations based on what you have read or people have taught over the years.

If your husband is the one that is better with children and prefers to work from home there is no rule that says a woman must stay at home. These rules were created by human beings and if it doesn’t work for your family why insist on it? 
You are different and your spouse is different and whatever theory or paradigm that doesn’t promote your best interest must go no matter how long it has been in existence.

Where internal competition must begin to give way to co-operation in your family you might want to pause and check what is responsible for it and flip the script so that you can promote your best interest and preserve what you both feel for each other.

CONCLUSION

The bread winner syndrome was an invention not a law that is cast in stone and the beauty of it is that we can question it and see if it still serves our best interest in this age and time. If it doesn’t there is nothing that stops us from embracing something else that promotes the dignity of our persons, maximizes our potentials and promotes the best interest of our family economy.

I believe if we embrace this new approach it will ease the burden on our men and also improves the creativity of our women and ultimately eliminates stress and depression while it fosters co-operation and team work. 
 

There is no bread to be won because both husband and wife are no longer working to win the bread but to build a developed economy that can survive any form of situation or recession.

I honor you.

Praise Fowowe  

Trainer- Family systems engineering certification