ROMANCE WHERE DID YOU GO??

You know i always wondered when my parents used to talk about things being better in the old days if it was just some form of wishful white lie but you know i have joined them, things were actually better in the old days for one thing almost every female magazine wasn't filled with some form of sob story and for another a chick didn't have to wait for valentine's day or her birthday to stock up new perfumes #justsaying.

seriously though what has suddenly come over men, where did all the romantic men go? this is exactly what one of my close friends and i were discussing this weekend, i introduced her to some guy who told me he liked her and the first thing the guy could come up with was some funny crappy question.



what happened to those days when a guy would send you flowers and love letters in a perfume scented card (ok thank God those love letter days are over) but still it's like men don't even bother trying anymore.
i remember when my male friends would bug me for days on end into giving them ideas on where to take chicks on dates, heck i even went shopping for girls numerous times on behalf of so many friends of mine but this days all my male friends want to ask me for is the chicks number or email address and when they call they don't even talk much,
"Hi i am so and so and i got your number from your friend so do you want to hang out???" most times i just hang up ....

one of my friends says i am too old fashioned and that this days men don't even do the chasing..yep i have had white hair from when i was a kid so i pretty much agree that i am from another time frame but still is it too much to ask for some form of effort on the mans part to make a relationship exciting.

one chick i know reported her boyfriend to us complaining that he never took her anywhere, their relationship was one long boring cycle, he would come over after work, she would cook for him and they would eat and watch TV, now i hate to give relationship advise because its none of my business but i couldn't hold my tongue..i just blurted out, "that guy is treating you like a side piece" and true enough she found out he had a serious girlfriend.

ok don't crucify me, i am not saying that if a guy isn't romantic then automatically he is cheating on you heck it could even be the other way round. a very good friend of mine is married to this wonderful guy(truly one of the good ones) and the only complaint she has ever had is that her husband is not romantic, he didn't know how to give compliments to save his life but his actions were amazing, he would drive all the way down to her office everyday with dinner and wait hours for her to come down so he could take her home, most times she would be discussing make up tips with us whilst her hubby sweated it out in the car waiting, i told her that action alone is romantic, you don't need to hear words.

most men i have discussed this with always tell me that for one thing chicks don't help matters by making things too easy in the initial place and secondly why bother with all that romantic hullabaloo when she should be lucky to have them faithful and not prancing around town with the numerous women that throw themselves at them. ok i will be honest i will kick romance to the curb for a good loyal man but why do i have to choose?

these days it gets worse when you are in a committed relationship or married, the men seem to go like ok..courtship is over, you are now mine why do i need to bother myself anymore and i begin to wonder.
is it because the economy is now so bad that we all have to work 9-10 in a job that is supposed to be 9-5, or do women make relationships so easy.

i was once in a relationship where the only romantic thing my boyfriend did for me was sign cheques(and this was one of the longest relationships i have ever been in) but back to the point, at some time i realized that i didn't know who i was having a relationship with anymore, the man or his bank account.i had to painfully walk away from that relationship because it just didn't make sense any more.

Romance is not about spending all the money in the world or flying me off to Egypt for holiday(ok i would looove that)but women like to feel wanted.
tell us how beautiful we look when we make a damn effort , send us a text message once in a while even though you hate typing, tell us you have never tasted food so good when we cook a meal, take us somewhere fancy sometimes..it doesn't have to be the moon but be creative, a new restaurant cant be that bad.sometimes instead of whining about how much we nag look into our eyes like you are just seeing us for the first time....do what you have to do, whether you are just meeting us for the first time, or we have spent 20 years of marriage with us find that friend of yours called Romance and bring him home before some other smart muther f!@#$%er finds him for you...yes i am taking this very personal.lol

Comments

  1. a friends comment on my other blog about this topic.


    The whole confusion I see here could be linked to role-confusion in our “modern” societies.

    In this modern “war of the sexes” men are not always men and women not always women! Liberation, emancipation and other coinages have allowed us to switch roles as many times as we like, ostensibly, to suit our immediate ends only.

    I believe sticking to our natural roles of men doing the chasing and women doing the “dummy” running (which is just to add pep to the chase) should suffice. Romance is a 2 way street – a woman can bring out the best in you and the same goes for the men, though I agree some guys are always in a “rush” and some chicks “run” too far to be “caught”.

    True life experience

    I once sent flowers (12 red roses) to a lady I had been pestering for over 6 months. It had with it, a personalized poem (written by moi) woven around her name. I made sure it got to her office first thing in the morning (before she did). I did not write my name but I left clues in the poem about our discussion the previous night.

    It worked wonders! Everyone in her office loved it and gave her a princess’ welcome when she arrived. Everyone wanted to know who the guy was and urged her to tell. They did not believe when she told them she wasn’t sure who it was.

    Do you know that I did not need to toast her any further? Everyone in her office did the rest of the job for me. They simply convinced her to give the “romantic guy” a chance as they all loved the poem & the flowers (guys & chicks).

    She called me later that morning to confirm if I had sent anything to her and I said no. She asked if I was sure & I responded in the affirmative. I later called (after 2 minutes) to ask if she remembered our previous discussion the night before and immediately she knew I sent the flowers. What followed was the best relationship of my life.

    I wasn’t a rich guy and even if I was, it would have been difficult to impress the daughter of this high ranking government official! Their lawn alone was bigger than my parents’ whole house multiplied by 2! But all that didn’t matter to us. It was true love born from the heart. Unfortunately we couldn’t get married for medical compatibility reasons. We both decided it would be selfish to go further and called it off.

    Anyone who lives and doesn’t experience TRUE love has not lived at all. Go out there and experience it - it is worth every heart beat!!

    Now I am married with a son & she is still one of my best friends and guys ……. She is still single!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. anor friends comment..p.s they cant comment on here so i will be bringing their comments to you guys.

    Romance is not about spending all the money in the world or flying me off to egypt for holiday(ok i would looove that)but women like to feel wanted.
    tell us how beautiful we look when we make a damn effort , send us a text message once in a while even though you hate typing, tell us you have never tasted food so good when we cook a meal, take us somewhere fancy sometimes..it doesn't have to be the moon but be creative, a new restaurant cant be that bad.sometimes instead of whining about how much we nag look into our eyes like you are just seeing us for the first time....do what you have to do, whether you are just meeting us for the first time, or we have spent 20 years of marriage with us find that friend of yours called Romance and bring him home before some other smart muther f!@#$%er finds him for you...yes i am taking this very personal.lol

    Like Michael Jackson would say

    WHAT ABOUT USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    ReplyDelete
  3. my other friends comment her name is janieee

    Adaks - nice write up as usual. I quite agree the romance pattern seems to have changed with time.
    I guess most chics these days don’t need the gifts I guess. They rather do the buying.
    Maybe its due to all these our women liberation and too much money.

    Anyway, personally no matter how loaded and liberated I am, I prefer good old school dating.
    And my man really does not have to go through a hard process to “land me” (Olaitan pls take note)
    But he definitely will go through one to keep me.
    I don’t believe in playing games with people. If I like a guy enuf to date him, why not?
    But while we are dating, there has to be the perfumes and the flowers and poetry (I don’t care if d poem is borrowed)
    And all those lil thotful thing that counts + he’s being faithful

    I don’t think the guys are wholly to blame. Most times the chics allow it so the guys don’t bother making an effort.

    ReplyDelete
  4. my girl michelle's comment

    Sorry oh… im not ok with flowers alone, thank you very much! I tell u say my papa no get flower pot for garden???na flower dey sick me??? Abi dem dey take am cook soup? Some guys are so cheap that they hang on to the “buy her flowers and read her poetry” garb for longer than is healthy, just so they don’t spend money… una sorry , u hear! When u buy flower for date 1, na thank you you go get. If by date 2 u don’t diversify and do/show up with something different, your yeye ‘romance’ will die as naturally as your cassava flower…mshewwwwww

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  5. my cool friend that i call my son's comment


    But what’s wrong with flowers and poetry naa?
    I thot a ‘real lady’ shouldn’t mind what her man brings to the table.
    As the old song goes: money can’t buy me love (ala romance)..
    It’s just the ‘feminine liberation’ syndrome again; our mums didn’t want Cartier rings or trips to Nice, yet they spent forever with our dads. Now that’s the kinda love I want!

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  6. Romance doesn't have to be like the movies, or does it *wink*.It's easy after all he used to do it when he was chasing her, i hope.

    It is the extra something that makes the relationship worth it not to forget saving it from becoming a brother/sister affair.

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