How to handle a Crush on a coworker.
We just finished celebrating February 14th, Valentine’s Day …
It’s a beautiful thing to love and be loved in return but in Life it’s not always as simple as that, for some Valentine’s Day reminded them of a day to celebrate their partners, showering them with gifts and attention whilst trying to re-create the early days when the relationship was hot and steamy.
For others February 14th falling on a work day was another day to remind them that the Coworker they were crushing on is unavailable, or to be more direct “was not theirs”. They were forced to fake smiles as they watched the exchange of gifts between that person and their significant other.
We spend so much of our time and energy at work that it’s only natural to look at the people you work with as friends, and perhaps, at times, something more. It’s easy to develop feelings for a coworker the “we are in this together” mentality jobs create breeds familiarity. All work crushes start out innocently enough. One day you are getting a bite to eat together on a lunch break, then it’s a few drinks after work, and suddenly you’re fantasizing about pushing the reports off your desk and kicking off those sensible heels and flying into the sunset with them.
This leads us to our topic, “HOW TO HANDLE A COWORKER YOU ARE CRUSHING ON”
1. Talk To A Friend About Your Love DilemmaPreferably to someone who is not employed by the same company, your spouse or the target of your attraction. Talking about your feelings is another way of acknowledging the problem. In addition, you will acquire an ally who will help you cope with the issue.
2. . Remember That “Feeling” Doesn’t Always Mean “Acting”
Its okay to like someone anyone, anywhere, any place. But liking someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to act on those feelings. Put simply: You can enjoy a feeling, without ever having to act on it.
Use your judgment to decide, “This is a time to feel, and this is a time to act.”
3. Stay Professional
Above all else, you have to stay professional in the workplace, if you start behaving in an unprofessional way, then things can get very bad very quickly, by acting professional, however, you can keep things in perspective and make sure that you keep your job. This is especially important if you don’t want your crush to know about your feelings.
4. Acknowledge: “The Grass Is Always Greener”Maybe your home life isn’t as blissful as it might be. This doesn’t mean that acting on your instincts with the person at work is going to be the dream relationship. That possible relationship might be better but in all likelihood you will be exchanging one set of problems for another.
6 Realize Your Brain Can Play Tricks on YouIn love with your boss? Have you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? People in positions of power are often attractive even if they are absolutely horrible.
7. Understand the ConsequencesRomance at work (even between consenting single adults) often translates into negative repercussions. It can create sordid rumors and much worse. If you truly have found the love of your life get proactive about moving jobs or changing departments so you can continue your romance without worry. Not willing to do that? Maybe this isn’t the “one.”
Ask the following questions, Will it put your job in jeopardy? What happens if you break up?
You need to think about what working conditions would be like both during and after a potential relationship.Do the cons outweigh the pros, then again if the answer is not in the affirmative, then keep your fantasy life completely separate from your working life.
Sometimes office romances do work out, but when they don’t, it can get awkward even when you don’t want it to.
8. Set Clear And Safe Boundaries For Yourself
This will make coping much easier. Social decorum dictates that most intimacy doesn’t occur in the presence of others. Design strategies that remove direct and private contact with the person. Whenever possible interact with the person only when there are other people around. This will prevent intimacy and with luck the workplace crush will fade.
9. Improve Your Home Life And/Or Add Extracurricular ActivitiesSo many of us get absolutely absorbed in work. It is our lives. When this is the case it is perfectly natural to look for affection and intimacy at work. Make yourself and your social life outside of work a priority. Once other people enter your life, the attraction for that colleague often disappears.
10. Don’t Let Him/Her Walk All over You
Some people are more than willing to take advantage of your crush feelings. And it is human nature to sort of dote on people you like and care about, so you might be tempted to buy your crush lunch or coffee, pick up his or her dry cleaning, and so on. Furthermore, your crush might be perfectly willing to reap the benefits of that, even if he or she doesn’t necessarily feel the same way. That’s never awesome.
11. Keep up with Reality
When you have a crush on someone, it’s not at all uncommon to start fantasizing or even dreaming about that person, it’s also not uncommon to start confusing those fantasies with reality, especially when you work with your crush after all, you spend so much time together. It’s important to keep your feet firmly rooted in reality, though; keep your fantasy life completely separate from your professional life.
12. Be Realistic
To that end, you also need to be realistic, how does your company feel about office romances? Does your crush give any inkling about feeling the same way? Do you really think a relationship could happen? Don’t let your feelings get in the way of your common sense. Stay level headed and make sure that you keep things in a realistic perspective.
13. Don’t Try To Deal with the Issue with Your AffectionThis approach rarely leads to a happy ending. First, if the attraction is mutual, the crush will likely escalate into a full-blown affair. Second, if the attraction is not mutual, you face rejection and possibly a sexual harassment lawsuit.
We all are human and human interaction is sexual. Having a crush or being attracted to a co-worker is natural. But… natural doesn’t necessarily make it good for you!
The final question you need to ask yourself is “what do I have to lose?” you could be on the precipice of one of the most exciting relationships of your life or you could be on the path of awkwardness and unnecessary embarrassment. So “USE YOUR HEAD”
Culled from www.dakkyworkdiaries.com